el blog-o

biker's prayer

2010-11-05T13:54:00.000-07:00

thank you god
for the legs to push the pedals
for the arms to hold the bars
for the heart to pump the blood
for the lungs to breathe the air
for the eyes to see the beauty
for the mouth to say the words
thank you god

never wrote lyrics before...

2010-08-16T13:45:00.001-07:00

But these sorta popped into my head today. Why not share??

a cloudy day a gloomy day
got a heavy heart
walk along this path with me
think it's time to start

the crickets chirp, the gravel crunch
from underneath my feet
not knowing where i'm going
but my heart will keep the beat

sometimes you cannot figure
how the road is gonna bend
but thank god i've got you by my side
my lover girl and friend

sometimes the day is painted gray
the light can not break through
but if i keep on breathing
that's all i need to do.

the miracles around us
don't ever ever cease
a flower blooms, the slightest breeze
everywhere is peace.

it's time. it's time.
it's time for letting go.
it's time. it's time.
that's all i need to know.

Mom's visit to Palestine

2010-06-15T12:52:00.001-07:00

Yes, we have a ton to worry about domestically right now, but I couldn't help but cut and paste an email my mom sent me about her recent trip to Israel. I have long thought that our leaders let the Israeli government off the hook for settlements, human rights violations and worse. Getting the enormous amount of aid and weapons from the U.S. is a tacit endorsement of what they do.

I do not at all endorse a lot of it. Read on for some disturbing, but essential findings from my mom's latest trip. (thanks, Mom!)

"Early in our trip we heard from a representative of this group of former Israeli Defense Force (IDF) members who can no longer remain silent about what they saw and did during their years of military service in the Occupied Territories. They are about 800 strong and are both male and female. Military service is compulsory in Israel, 2 yr for women and 3 for men. Orthodox Jews are exempted, if requested.

The young man who spoke with us, Ayal Kantz, was a 28 y.o. I could gladly have counted as my son. He was handsome, articulate, and of obvious high moral character. I guess that’s why he eventually joined “Breaking the Silence.” He said it took him 6 years after completing his military service to join. He did so because he was struck by the divergence between his Jewish faith and what he was doing in the military. He thought the Israeli public needed to know what their sons and dgtrs were doing in the Occupied Territories.

Ayal was born in Israel but educated in part in the US, studying in the United World College in New Mexico during his 11th and 12th grades. Right after high school he joined the IDF and served in the Special Operations Unit all over the West Bank as a member of the Nahal Brigade, which is supposed to be one of the more “moral” brigades. He was in Hebron for one year and was eventually “traumatized” by what they did there. As a result, 6 yr later, he joined “Breaking the Silence”.

That group originally put together an exhibit displaying what they had been doing in Hebron and presented it in Tel Aviv, the most secular of the Israeli cities. They hoped that 400 people would attend. They were greatly surprised to be invited to show their exhibit to the Kennisit, the Israeli parliament. 12,000 people came to see it. Two things became apparent as a result of the exhibit: 1) there was a huge gap of knowledge between what was happening with the IDF in the Occupied Territories and what the general public was aware of; and 2) there were LOTS of soldiers who said “we did the same thing”, even though we were not in Hebron.

The “same thing” was horrendous for us to hear about: 4 - 5 arrests made each night; regular “appearance patrols” during which IDF soldiers did what was necessary to make the local populace afraid……….lighting fires, shooting out street lights, banging pans……..anything loud to instill fear (“if they don’t fear us, we can’t control them”); and periodically doing “training arrests”………..arresting a family that you know is not a threat just to sharpen your skills.

I think the worst thing I heard from Ayal, having been on this trip before and feeling that the situation in Hebron was HORRENDOUS, was that Hebron was no worse than any other place in the West Bank; it was simply more obvious there.

I was also deeply disturbed to learn that most Israelis thought nothing wrong with “Operation Cast Lead”, the 12/08 incursion into Gaza that resulted in 1400 Palestinians dead. Ayal told us that many Israelis feel threatened today and see their society as “victim”. Nonetheless, he strong claimed that not everything done today by the Israeli govt is for security; much is because of “religious ideology” or “land ideology”.

Finally, Ayal told us that all the time he served in Hebron, he never thought about the fact that he was doing raids by moving from house to house but rather from “terrorist nest to terrorist nest””. He deliberately detached himself and never directly looked at anyone he arrested. There was one exception, however, and that was when he dragged from a house the father of a family and accidentally looked into the face of a child who was standing near-by. That child looked absolutely petrified. Maybe this is what drove him to joining Breaking the Silence 6 yr later?"

If you'd like to hear more of these reports as my mom emails them out, let me know. The more you know, the more you'll speak out!

From Mojo's -- 80026

2010-03-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

If I weren't in a public place I might make an effort to go to Playboy.com and read the whole John Mayer interview. But from what I just read, I love the guy even more. I guess I'm resonating with the openness and honesty. Some of what he said was a little too private regarding sexual partners, but overall, I gotta hand it to him. I'm not going to be cooler-than-thou and say his music sucks. I like his music. Actually, I think "St. Patrick's Day" is one of the best Christmas tunes ever (seems odd, I know, but listen to the song). Check out this quote from the interview:

From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the shit out of me. I’ve been so afraid of rocking the boat that I’m not sailing anywhere. I’ve been trying to prove to people I’m not a douche bag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That’s fucked up, man ... So now I’m going to experiment with “fuck you.”

To the degree that we're all able, I think "fuck you" is a good place to operate from. I don't mean being nasty, I mean living from a place of "fuck it" and "fuck what other people think." My daughter is 6. She had my wife to dye some of her hair pink because she thought it would be cool. Yesterday she told me that some kids in her (kindergarten) class are making fun of her for it. I couldn't exactly quote the John Mayer interview to her, but I told her in essence: fuck the people who try to bring you down because they don't "get" you. Conformity is so dull. The people that interest me most are the abnormal ones! The goofy ones. The left field creative ones.

Other tangents and fragments:

Best free app? Naturespace. Lots of seamless outdoor loops: waves, streams, wide open fields, etc. Very nice. Very free.

For the first time in a while, I'm in budget mode. Having a coffee on my night out instead of getting dinner or seeing a flick. It certainly isn't all that extreme of a budget, but until things pick up a little I need to tighten the belt.

Trying to convince myself that this massive blueberry muffin I'm eating is not breaking my no-sugar pledge for this month. This thing prolly has more sugar than a bowl of Froot Loops. Mmmmmm.

I still have many ideas rolling around in my noggin for the parenting book. I've taken some time off from writing, but more will be committed to hard drive soon. My efforts to drum up a few interview subjects came up entirely empty: C'MON PEOPLE! Let me plumb the depths of your parenting soul! Seriously: email me if you're interested.

Watching LOST I am definitely entertained, but feel a dwindling sense of hope that the conclusion will be really satisfying. I may swear off TV for a while after it's done. Lots of movies I'd like to see though....

Speaking of which: Oscars. This Sunday. It's the only awards show I ever watch and I look forward to it every year. Now if I could only win this Oscar pool I enter. Damn it's hard.

Reading a book called "Bridges Out of Poverty" and attending a seminar on the Circles Program (www.movethemountain.org) in 2 weeks. This is part of my effort to learn how to financially mentor people who are stuck in a debt cycle. I can't see ever turning down voiceover work, but I do see a time in the next 3-5 years when I begin to direct my life towards something more fulfilling than the commerce/advertising efforts of VO.

I think that's all there is to say! New DETOUR will be getting underway soon. I am trying to 'remaster' all the old episodes without intros/outros and at higher quality. Someday I'd still like to submit to Solid Steel.

BTW, check out some cool, old R&B mixes from my buddy Megatrip: he's giving you a complimentary membership to the Soul Society all year long: http://www.bmbx.org/category/king-megatrip/

Bye for now. Be well.

On the path to my parenting book

2010-02-16T18:58:00.001-08:00

Mid February has arrived and I have been trying my best to keep my promise of turning this month into a writing exercise for my prospective book "Parenting Sucks!" The new title ping ponging around is actually "Kids are Great / Parenting Sucks!" Maybe that will take the edge off a little....!

I was going to do my writing publicly, but a friend's comment about protecting my children from potential embarrassment threw a little hesitation into the works. So, I've been writing for the benefit of my hard drive only. Tonight I'm tapping away in a coffee shop in my lil' hometown of Lafayette. This is (drum roll please) the first time I've ever bought coffee in a coffee shop. Ever!! I am new to the coffee addict club. I feel guilty throwing down $5 and just loitering around this place for 2 hours. How the hell do they make any real money? Oh well, I guess it's their burden not mine. I'll probably throw another buck in the tip jar before I go.

So I've been thinking about this parenting book quite a bit and leaving myself voice memos in my iPhone whenever an idea occurs to me. One thing I really would like to do is interview parents about their experiences. If you're reading this and think you'd be up for such an interview, lemme know. I could do it via phone patch at my studio, then transcribe it later. As I said in my last post, it would be a lot like the Studs Terkel books. Then, in between the interview chapters I would have my musings and observations. Sound like a best seller? Honestly, I'm just enjoying having a creative project to pursue that I haven't discarded after a day or two. I like writing a lot but I've had trouble latching on to an idea that I can sink my teeth into. I've come to peace with the fact that I'm more adept at personal commentary than fiction. I would love to be a screenwriter, but you need fully formed ideas for those damn things! Plus it's hard to find the time for that sort of endeavor at this stage of my life. Maybe that's a lame excuse, but I'm sticking to it for now.

Last week provided a perfect illustration of the unpredictability of parenting. The week started with Oliver coughing like a chain smoker (again). We've had this problem for a while now. Kid goes on antibiotics for an ear infection, then 3 days after he's done with the meds, another infection sets in. It's tough. The doctor's advice was to see an ear nose and throat specialist with the likely outcome of having to take his adenoids out. So that was Monday.

Tuesday we kept him home from school because he's hacking like Joe Camel. You get the super stink eye from parents if you bring a phlegm-ball kid to pre-school-- even if he isn't technically contagious (which he wasn't). It's just against code. So we had to go into contingency mode where I stay home for a while, and have my wife take over later. I hate interruptions in routine. It's like taking the blanket away from Linus. Then-- hello Murphy's Law!-- Kirsten senses she's coming down with something, too.

Wednesday Kirsten is down: hard. Chills. Fever. Aches. We get through the night time routine, but it's clear she's going down for the count. Which leaves me solo on ...

Thursday. Awaken the daughter. Get the boy up. Feed em. Dress em. Brush um teeth. Rush, but don't push! (if you push, you're sure to get resistance). Drop off daughter. Drop off son. I'm fucking Super Dad, baby! I made it! Into work for a little peace and quiet. As the day rolls on, I decide to take the kids to the mall after school to stay away from Mom (still sick-- Strep as it turns out). The plan is to burn some energy at the mall's play area-- one of those soft surface germ parks where kids race around and leave various bodily fluids in their wake. Then, we'll grab some fast food (veggies be damned tonight!) and head home for stories and bed. Unfortunately, disaster strikes. I've overestimate my son's bladder endurance and he urinates all over himself. Not in the car. Not on the escalator. But mere inches from an actual toilet! Damnit! Entire plan is ruined. We have to go home. Daughter erupts. Wailing and gnashing of teeth. The world is at an end. We hastily pick up McDonald's and a corndog (their choice, not mine) and head home for an uncertain landing.

Friday. Wife still sick, but antibiotics are kicking in. More schedule shell games. Are we having fun yet? My mom is our hero as she steps up for the 2nd day of unplanned babysitting. Thank Goodness for mothers! We make it to the weekend! Which really isn't great news for me because frankly I get to relax a lot more during the week.

So there it is: a snapshot of my life and a likely similar scenario to what parents across the world face on any given week. Stay tuned for more stories from the front lines and drop me an email if you're interested in my interview project!

Be well.

And the name of my book shall be....

2010-02-03T11:30:00.001-08:00

PARENTING SUCKS.

Not exactly the positive, self-help vibe to draw in the Oprah crowd. HA!

I'm on a new February mission, similar to the one I embarked on a year ago, when I blogged often about the Idle Life. Back then, I was reading a book called "How To Be Idle" by wonderful writer Tom Hodgkinson. Still highly recommended reading!

But over the last several months, I've been turning 2 book ideas around in my head. One is about a Zen approach to money, and the other, an unflinching look at the challenges of parenting. An attempt to puncture the Hallmark-ization of parenting.

I never knew how difficult being a parent would be, and 6 years in, I'm only at the early stages. I want to write candid commentary on my experience as a dad. And I feel some apprehension because, outside of private conversations, I don't hear many honest assessments of what a jarring ride parenting can be. Unquestionably, there are beautiful moments that I would never trade. But I've had more than my share of ugly episodes, too. And I ain't just talking poopy diapers.

Over the past few years, I've tried to refocus my statements to come from the first person rather than assigning them to the world at large. So instead of: "You don't realize how hard being a parent can be going into it." I would say: "I didn't realize...." I will do the same with these essays and observations. I don't pretend to know what everyone else goes through in their parenting journey. I can only speak for myself.

And so, tonight, I will start a weekly exercise in writing about parenting. Maybe I'll write more often than that, who knows? I've also thought about conducting a series of interviews with moms and dads, and compiling them for a book, a la Studs Terkel, to give a broader perspective. Wanna volunteer? Shoot me an email and we'll tawk.

Last February was the Idle Life! This February, it's all about tantrums and time outs. Buckle up.

DETOUR February 2010

2010-01-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

Hallelujah! This one took me a while, but I think you'll like it:

a public service announcement...
moody blues / the best way to travel (in search of the lost chord)
booka sade / vertigo (memento)
herbalizer / theme from control central (blow your headphones)
boyz from brazil / hi fi trumpet (the boyz from brazil)
steinski / the big man laughs (what does it all mean?)
rae & christian / ready to roll (sleepwalking)
air / californie (premiers symptomes)
bonobo / d song (dial 'm' for monkey)
lionrock / straight at yer head (an instinct for detection)
moody blues / om [herbster mix] (in search of the lost chord)
mumm-ra / she's got you high (500 days of summer soundtrack)
charlatans uk / patrol [chemical brothers mix] (charlatans uk vs the chemical brothers)
boozoo bajou / way down (dust my broom)
dj frane / hydroponic jungle throwdown (electric garden of delights)
flevans / out to lunch (make new friends)
coldcut / boogieman (sound mirrors)
bill laswell / thunupa (sacred system chapter 2)
9 lazy 9 / black jesus (zen: a retrospective)
thievery corporation / state of the union (the richest man in babylon)
mossyrock / whiskey is the devil [forever tuesday mix] (the zero to one sessions)
clinton / buttoned down disco [fila brazilla mix] (disco and the halfway to discontent)
rjd2 / here's what's left (deadringer)
crack the sky / flying (white music)

NEW DETOUR IS NOW UP.

2009-08-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

DETOUR for August 2009

alo / lady loop (roses & clover)
mr. electric triangle / magnolias (kosmosis of the heart)
stephanie mckay / jackson avenue (tell it like it is)
the meters / look-ka-py-py (very best of the meters)
little feat / spanish moon (waiting for columbus)
lulu / feelin' alright (what it is! box set)
kid rock / i got one for ya (devil without a cause)
prince fatty / fat panther (survival of the fattest)
emiliana torrini / sunny road [manasseh mix] (sunny road ep)
nat 'king' cole / more and more of your amor [bittersweet mix] (re:generations)
los aterciopelados / pendulo (caribe atomico)
david holmes / rip rip (out of sight soundtrack)
torpedo boyz / are you talking to me? (headache music)
erykah badu / cleva (mama's gun)
curtis mayfield / superfly (original soundtrack)
jack costanzo & his orchestra / peter gunn mambo (ultra lounge vol 2: mambo fever)
devo / that's good (oh no! it's devo)
scubba / paradise city [vibes edition] (bossa n roses)

The only thing we have to fear....

2009-08-05T12:26:00.001-07:00

8-5-09

I've been thinking a lot about health care reform lately. How can one not? I have been pleading, cajoling and pestering friends, family and social networks to declare their support for our president's core principles:

1. Reduce health care costs.
2. Preserve one's choice of doctor.
3. Provide health care to all who need it.

(side note, dear reader: have you done this? go here)

This issue has really gotten me fired up, because there is so much fear mongering going on. I don't understand how a country that has accomplished so much can be whipped up into such hysteria. All this 'socialist' nonsense. You would think that Obama was flying the hammer and sickle over the White House and wearing a Stalin t-shirt to his press conferences.

Let's get this straight: NO ONE KNOWS what exactly will happen with health reform. Just like no one can predict exactly what will happen with the stock market, the weather, or the price of tea in China. But what we SHOULD know, is that our current system is fucked up. It just ain't working. My personal example is that my health insurance costs have gone from $208 a month in 2006 to $447 a month in 2009. And I have a high deductible HSA plan! What does that mean? It means I pay for everything! I pay to go to the doctor and for all my family's prescriptions! Not a co-pay, I pay the whole freight. And for the priviledge of having my insurance kick in should I get hit with a medical catastrophe, I pay $5300 a year PLUS whatever I pay for doctors, prescriptions, etc. Add in dentist visits and other things that aren't covered, the tab is about $13000 a year. The good news for me is that I can afford it, but if I were pulling in a median income? Big trouble.

Here is what this issue should boil down to for each citizen:

Are you happy with your current health insurance? If you are, then you won't have to do anything. No one is going to goose step into your house and force a government policy on you.

Are you unhappy with it? Then you should have a government provided, affordable choice. Not something you have to take, but something you can choose to take.

Does the thought of losing your job and therefore your health insurance freak you out? If yes, you are far from alone. No one should be left without health coverage. One bad car accident and you could be tens of thousands of dollars in debt. Debt that could wipe you out completely.

More questions:

In a country as rich as ours, doesn't it make sense for us to finally follow suit of nearly every other modern and civilized country and have government health insurance? If you're fretting about the big, bad, scary government running health care, I ask you this: Is the private sector really doing a wonderful job here? I mean.... really??? Does everything have to be turned into a profitable enterprise? Does someone have to be making a buck when you need a MRI?

And finally, what would have happened to this country's biggest achievements if we began to give into the fear mongers? "Let's go to the moon!" said JFK. Oh, no! What if the rocket crashes? What if we don't get to the moon? What if the astronauts get stranded? What if there are aliens that attack us? For God's sake America: sack up! Stop being such ninnies! We can DO THIS. It will not be perfect and we will need to tweak a thing or two, but let's just stop cowering in the corner or gnashing our teeth over how much money it will cost. We'll be fine.

My proof? I have none-- other than to offer the example of the Bush years when the far left was screeching:

America's becoming a theocracy!
Big Brother's reading all your emails!
Dick Cheney is sending NPR listeners to Guantanamo!

Those things didn't happen--- because the predictions of all nut job extremists never happen. Most of those people raving on TV and radio make money to be extreme. They're getting extremely rich by locking you into their fear tractor beam.

So turn down the fear, please. Turn up the reason and compassion. And if you haven't done it already, contact your Senators and Reps about your feelings regarding health care.

Death to Goodie Bags!

2009-05-04T19:49:00.000-07:00

Ok, before I even start this post, lemme just say something completely random that needs to be said: Madonna, quit trying to use your celebrity status to ram through adoptions! You have, what, 3 kids already? You just adopted one just 2 years ago? You just got divorced! You were touring just months ago (and maybe still are). Fuck, woman! If you're so hot to adopt and be a parent, why not try being a full time parent to the kids you already have! Take a few years out of the public eye and just be "Mom." The world can do without Madonna for a while: trust me.

(rant complete)

So, I'm toying with the idea of writing a financial book that doubles as a series of essays on money, saving, budgets and materialism. I've written a few pages already and will continue to peck away at it as the desire hits me, but for now, here's one I wanted to air out in El Blog-o.

Mothers always know, don't they? My mom was dead on when she and I were talking in the months leading up to the birth of my 1st child. I had all sorts of anxieties, but one that I voiced this particular day was about all the extra stuff we'd have to wade through in our house as part of having a kid. My mom responded immediately: "oh yes, there's a lot of stuff involved."

I hate stuff. By which I mean clutter. Shit. Useless doodads. I hate chotckies. Knick-Knacks. Bric-a-Brac. I mean, I can abide by some things that fall into these categories, but by and large, I like clean, spartan spaces. I cotton to emptiness as an aesthetic. My wife can attest to the innumerable kilowatt hours of frustration I've emitted over crowded shelves and messy closets. Sometimes, when I clean out the garage, say, I will return to the area several times later in the day just to bask in its tidiness. It soothes my soul.

I am neurotic. Okay?

But having kids will round out the sharp corners of one's personal likes and dislikes. It either happens organically through Zen like surrender or through the stark reality that erodes your psyche every day of parenting: you are no longer the capital letter leading man or woman at the top of the marquis. YOU have been replaced with... just... you. A player in an ensemble cast and more often than not, your rugrats have the starring roles.

My transition was a little bit surrender a little bit errosion. Of course I accepted the high chair, the bouncy seat, the stuffed animals and some toys. But it wasn't long before the small tributaries of my 1st child's possessions became wider and swifter rivers. Markers, crayons, coloring books, more stuffed animals, more toys, books, CDs, shoes, clothes (don't even get me started on clothes)... and for God's sake MORE stuffed animals! It was a lot. And our 2nd child hadn't even arrived yet.

I know this is the situation in many houses. Toys on top of toys on top of more toys on top of... My heart goes out to the poor little toys that have become buried in our toy box for months on end--totally forgotten. Once they were sources of amusement, games, and laughter. Now they sit with their faces pressed against the unforgiving wood at the bottom of the toy box. A sorry, pathetic fate.

But I am Zen. I try. Paul McCartney had it right: Let It Be. George Harrison, too: All Things Must Pass, and I won't forever be surrounded by battery operated nonsense and 14,000 teddy bears. However. There is one small module of this new reality I cannot and will not accept. It, I believe, is a fairly new development in the parenting paradigm. It is the Goodie Bag. And if you've taken your kid to a birthday party recently, you know what I'm talking about.

The Goodie Bag is meant as a reciprocal gift for the children who have come to the party. Since it is apparently not enough for them to go bowling, see a movie, play games, jump in bouncy castles and eat their weight in cake and ice cream, the Goodie Bag serves as one more way to whip the tykes into a frenzy. I get STUFF!

Translation: crap. Plastic trinkets that would seem low budget for even the pediatrician's gift basket. Made in China articles that should have been stamped Made for Landfill. I don't know where or when this tradition began, but I am on a crusade to snuff it out, even if that crusade is confined to my own children's birthday parties. Seriously, fellow parents: don't we have enough clutter to deal with already without injecting even more into each other's homes? Let's stand up and say: NO MORE! We hosted the party. We bought the juice and cake. We rented the clown. We paid for the mini golf. We endured the dizzying heights of the sugar high and waited in apprehension for the sugar crash. We supervised while your child and 15 others went on a birthday free for all.. and now your kid wants a Goodie Bag? For real?

Well for all the cantankerous parents who feel the way I do, here is what you say to those children and those parents who look upon you with judgement when you say simply and clearly that you do not have any goodie bags. For those parents who raise an eyebrow and those children who rudely complain of their lack, you say, in the immortal words of Judge Smails to his nephew Spaulding in Caddyshack: "You'll get nothing and like it!"

(end of rant 2)

No new DETOUR has yet begun. I'm migrating my old PC to a Mac and have been swamped with various distractions (read: work). Hope all of you in Blogland are well.

DETOUR for April09

2009-03-17T16:01:00.000-07:00

medeski martin & wood / new planet (end of the world party)
nickodemus / back from africa (endangered species)
chosen few / am i black enough (trojan soulful reggae box set)
thievery corp / hare krishna (radio retaliation)
mr. electric triangle / bosha nova (kosmosis of the heart)
miles davis / black satin (panthalassa: the music of miles davis)
mystic moods / cosmic sea (what it is! box set)
rico rodriguez / wareika vibes (wareika vibes)
gomez / army dub (in our gun)
cut chemist / (my 1st) big break (the audience's listening)
jammin' unit / 32 degrees in the shade [walrus mix] (deaf dub and blind)
queen vs satan feat pastor gary g / it's fun to smoke dust (dj lobersterdust.com)
pop levi / dita dimone (never never love)
beck / que onda guero (guero)
karminsky experience inc / the power of suggestion (the power of suggestion)
stephanie mckay / kinky (tell it like it is)
marzebian / che lingua (turntables on the hudson v. 6)
flevans / hey mr. bundle (make new friends)
double dee and steinski / don't try just do it (who owns culture?)
john lennon / bring on the lucie [freeda people] (mind games)

P.S. I have just cleared up some technical issues with my RSS feed (I'm still learning this shit!), so if you've subscribed in the past without success, you might try again. The link is here.

Confessional blog entry ahead!

2009-03-02T19:31:00.000-08:00

Ug. I cannot seem to break myself of my candy binging. I gave up tobacco. I gave up my daily soda. I barely drink anymore. I exercise 3 or 4 times a week. But if you leave me alone with cookies or candy, I wind up like Ginny Sac on the Sopranos. It hit me the other day that this addiction is as strong as my struggle with cigarettes. Thank God I've been away from them for over a decade. My addictions are like whack-a-moles-- once I put one to rest, another one pops up and starts being a nuisance. I know I have more self control than this and I know that I want to keep off the 10 pounds I've lost over the last year or so. Time to get serious.

I think I've written before that since I've lost weight, it keeps me paranoid about putting it back on, AND I still want to lose about 7 or 8 more pounds. That's the tricky part. The first 10 or so came off because of the lack of my daily Coke. Now that I'm slimmer, I feel it, I look it and people have commented on it many times. So when I gorge on the candy, I start freaking out afterwards that slowly, so slowly, I'm packing the pounds back on. It used to be that I didn't care about my belly, because I didn't consider myself overweight. I felt like: "I workout! I eat broccoli! So what if I have a little flab?" But now that I have less flab, I'm obsessed about my stomach and face. Oy, the vanity. If I ask you if my butt looks big in my jeans, you have permission to slap me.

I've got to confront this. Another series of blogs is in order, if only to keep me semi-honest about my success (or lack thereof) with quitting the sweets. I'm going to go 9 days 'clean' until my trip to spring training in Arizona and then 2 months of hardcore diet until my beach vacation in May. I've gotta do it.

So, there it is in print. My sugar free vow. I'll check in periodically to update el blog-o.

Made some good progress on DETOUR today. I hope to finish it up this week and post before I head south next Thursday. It's kind of a quirky one this time; hope you like it when it finally comes out!

Come Fly Away... and Be Idle!

2009-02-22T11:49:00.000-08:00

There are few things that go through such a dramatic transformation as travel after one has children. Here I sit, at Denver International Airport at a barely comfortable "recharging station" in order to check in and report on my month of idle behavior. Normally, the airport is a sterile, boring environment to avoid for any length of time, but after having children, I find it a sanctuary of sorts, especially when I'm traveling alone. Well, a sanctuary except for the screaming baby in the background and the people who have begun to crowd around me in order to recharge their devices. Damn it, people: don't you know I'm trying to relax here?!

I'm on a rare business trip and one that I didn't even need to concoct in order to get a few days respite from the challenges of parenting. I haven't been able to be nearly as idle as I would have liked over the past week or so; some clients of mine had the audacity to actually give me work and make me money. Ug. Actually, I'm joking about the work; I haven't minded, but I have found that this idle lifestyle is rather addicting and now that I've sampled it for a bit, I want more! Once my docket is cleared of these projects, I may extend my idle experiment into March (and beyond?....)

Continuing to read and very much enjoy the book that started it all: How to be Idle by Tom Hodgkinson. I read his delightful chapter on (and paean to) napping yesterday right before I (you guessed it) took a nap. The whole book is so funny that one might write it off as a big laugh (in fact, the cover categorizes it as "Humor") but, at least to me, there is so much truth in its pages, it should be a required read for everyone in our overworked, under-rested country. A friend of mine recently was singing the praises of Spain for their pace of life, the way they linger over meals, and their sense of priorities between work and life. It struck me as ironic that this person is putting in at least 50 hour weeks, traveling extensively and is admittedly run down due to his work load. No knock on him: he's a good friend who just took a new job with this company, so what can you expect? But it illustrated to me the gap between what we prize in other cultures and how we are somehow still bound to the realities of our American (and generally Western) ethic: work harder and longer than the 'other guy' so that you can come out ahead competitively and financially.

But what does it all get you? What does a shitload of money really buy you that the right lifestyle decisions can't get you anyway? For me, money is all about freedom. My wife and I had a conversation years ago after I had read a financial book that recommended a comprehensive chat between spouses about money, retirement, savings, etc. I knew we were basically on the same page, but the talk elicited the fact that, for us, a large pile of retirement cash would allow us to do whatever the hell we wanted with our lives. Freedom. And travel, too, something that often takes a good bit of scratch.

It is only in the last few years that I have begun to realize that the simpler your needs are, the simpler your lifestyle (and work schedule) can be. Being idle doesn't mean completely idle for me; I like working, I like doing things; I'm very much liking writing this blog and am motivated enough to do it that I'm still perched on this stiff stool in the middle of "A" concourse at DIA. But it's a matter of some choice.. some flexibility. Take the work I've been doing over the last week: it's a fairly short spurt of effort that lets me be a little creative and provides the larger benefit of a cash infusion. But a little bit of work goes a long way. My ideal is to put in 3 or 4 hours a day on average. That's plenty. And I like a few days a month when there is no agenda, providing time for reflection, meditation, and revitalization. Most of us could use more wide open time in our lives.

Rule #1 of the idler? Keep your overhead low. That way you don't get caught working too hard to maintain the big house, the huge car payment, the expensive toys. The more things you own, the more you yourself are owned. I hate clutter. I hate excess stuff. More and more I am enjoying a new luxury: setting aside a few hours in the middle of the day for reading, a nap, a leisurely walk or a movie.

I hope if you're reading this you can carve out some time for yourself sometime soon to join me in my experiment. Let me know how it feels for you. One thing I've been neglecting a bit is my new DETOUR which I have revised and edited a few times, but still haven't completed. Really enjoying a new mix from Dangerscouse at bmbx.org. Here's a link.

Til next time....

American Idle

2009-02-10T12:35:00.000-08:00

I'm finding as this month long experiment goes on, I have to more or less force myself not to do anything. I keep thinking of projects that I could begin or complete. Things that 'need' to be done. Today, I dropped my son off at day care, came in and checked email... and then didn't have any agenda until 2:30. My mind was crowded with a few things that I "should" be doing, but I am remaining true to the goal! After frittering a few moments on Facebook, I sat in my lovely recliner and began to read.

Hard Times, the book is called. An Oral History of the Great Depression. I picked this up after hearing it excerpted on This American Life a few weeks back. I am fascinated by what would happen if things really hit the shitter with the economy. I know it is for many people already; people who have been out of work and who don't have any safety net. What is striking me in the first 30 pages or so of Hard Times is the shock that the 1930s collapse caused. The realization that things that were assumed to be solid or permanent were not; it seems very similar to what's going on now. Bear Stearns failing? GM possibly going out of business? Over 3 million out of work? Impossible! Couldn't happen! Even as I read the stuff, I feel a little fearful. I have always been good with money, so I have a cushion to live on if times get very lean. But my (fearful) mind wonders: "Could we make it if it got REALLY hard? What would I do? Could I get work?"

I'm not sure how or if this relates to my idle experiment, but it certainly DOES relate to the question of how much one needs to live. Not money, but everything. How big a house, how fast a car, how many toys, how many luxuries? I feel like a genius for having a modest sized house with a (yawn) 30 year mortgage. I wonder if priorities in this country will shift radically in the midst of this current crisis?

I think this idle experiment comes from my desire to question concepts that are so widely accepted, i.e., "You HAVE to work." Really? Do you? Is there another way? If money is the only answer for needing to work, then what would you do if money wasn't an issue? Or what if you needed only a fraction of the money you thought you needed? What is it you want to get out of your life? I'll never forget telling a good friend of mine that I wanted to negotiate a pay cut for myself in order to work less hours. To voluntarily cut my pay by 30% so I could work a third as much. My friend thought I was nuts. I think mainly because he's a better negotiator than me. In fact, the people my boss had to take the idea to thought HE was nuts for even entertaining it. But you know what? That decision was such an eye opener for me because-- it worked. I DID work less. I took money out of the equation in the negotiating process. I didn't (and to a large degree still don't) care about money! I cared about my time! I wanted to live my life on my terms as much as possible! That choice, which was made out of desperation because I had begun to really loathe parts of my job, set me up for more freedom. I began to work from home, my freelance business began to blossom and 5 years later, I left my job entirely to do... this.

I will never understand people that do not respect their own power as an employee. If you are good at what you do, if you are a talented and/or skilled worker, if you show up on time, if you meet deadlines consistently, if you play nice with co-workers.... YOU ARE VALUABLE! You are rare! You are not easily replaced! That doesn't mean you need to throw that weight around or put it in your company's face all that often, but it does mean you can say NO to your company if they are asking you to do something you don't think is fair. Because when you relent and meekly say "Yes, sir" you are acting out of fear. Fear of being fired, therefore, fear of not having money, not being able to buy food, fear-- when you get to the bottom of it-- of death. Do not fear being fired! It will likely not happen, and if it does, other doors will open up to you that you could never anticipate. There are always lackeys that are willing to take up slack that you will not shoulder. Be strong! Believe in yourself!

I know a few people who cannot live by this standard even though they are self employed! They are over burdened with work and don't care for the effect it has on their lives. But they are their own boss! This is one of the reasons I love American Beauty so much. Kevin Spacey gets fired and it opens his eyes to all sorts of things. He remakes himself. He is freed!

Well, I fear I am preaching and who knows if this will be read or not? I am enjoying my idle day very much. I am enjoying blogging more often as well. Hit me back with thoughts, rants and feedback. They will be appreciated. I will continue on my idle path as long as I can (18 days to go!) though some legit projects are brewing that may divert me somewhat. A new DETOUR is still percolating. That is one project I will tend to since it feels like my 'art' for lack of a better term. I'm finding a lot of good mixes on b00mbox lately, a site I've recommended before. Check it out!

Idle Blogging continues next week!

2009-02-06T20:57:00.000-08:00

I just had to write a letter regarding my experience with Lisa Novak, the convicted former head of my adoption agency. Heavy stuff. I'll be back to idling and writing all about it next week.

Cheers!

jh

An Open Letter to Alexandra Speers and Martin Claar about Lisa Novak

2009-02-06T19:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Alexandra and Martin:

Well, today was the day. February 6, 2009. Your mother and wife, respectively, was sentenced to 90 days in jail, and 12 years of probation for the counts of felony fraud she was convicted of. This letter is my attempt at closure for what Lisa Novak did to me and my family. It is also an attempt, however unlikely, for you both to understand a few things from the 'other side.' And finally, it is an attempt to further burn Lisa's name and what she did into the annals of the internet so that anyone that happens to do a search on her will come across this. I wish I had seen something to this effect before I ever decided to adopt with the Claar Foundation.

This letter is not going to be a tirade. That would be too easy, and not address the nuances of Lisa's personality. What I have felt for some time (and it was reinforced today) was that this was never about Lisa being a Black Bart type criminal who was stuffing hundred dollar bills into a duffel bag, while emitting sinister gales of laughter. There is no doubt in my mind that Lisa helped many, many people bring children home into loving families; and that she did it more often than not without any impropriety. I also believe that Lisa Novak had good intentions in the early stages of running the Claar Foundation. I do not believe the business was set up as an operation purely to scam people. The truth, to the degree that I can discern it, is more complex.

Lisa was clearly very poor at managing money. I think she developed a pattern of doing whatever it took financially to keep things afloat not only with the Claar Foundation, but in her life in general. And I think those deceptions and shell games that she played made it necessary for her to deceive people and clients more and more often. And the deeper she got, the harder it was for her to realize the potential impact of what she was doing. She was overwhelmed by money troubles, the stresses of running a business, and the uncertain nature of international adoption programs. Her overarching goal of "helping the children" became a carte blanche to do whatever was necessary to keep everything together. She believed her own hype, to the detriment of the truth. What I noticed time and time again through our journey with Lisa was that she never considered herself at fault. Fingers were always pointing at someone else. Her brother. The clients. The adoption facilitators in foreign countries.

Well, Alexandra and Martin (if you ever in my wildest dreams actually read this...), let me tell you what I KNOW to be true. Your mother and wife lied, whenever it suited her needs. She lied about me to the Sosa family in Guatemala, telling them I was hell bent on lawsuits against them and Claar. I know this because the Sosas shared an email from Lisa to them while I was in Guatemala! She used the tragic car accident that one of the Sosas' daughters went through to collect donations from clients. Ostensibly it was for the Sosas' medical fees, but that money never was sent to the Sosas! It was used to cover some other financial vacuum in another dark corner of Lisa's universe.

If I can accept the fact that Lisa Novak did many things that were positive, I am asking you to accept the fact that she also did many things that were negative. The problem is that her negative actions FAR exceeded the good things she did. What she did was repugnant. And I do feel sorry for you, in particular, Alexandra, because you have to grapple with the knowledge that your idea about who your mother is flawed. She is not the Super Charity Woman you make her out to be; she is a woman who started, perhaps, with good intentions and wound up gouging deep, emotional and financial canyons in many lives. And there is no question that a lot of the pain she inflicted was done consciously. Do you know how many people she threatened with the prospect of losing their yet-to-be-adopted children? Do you know how incredibly twisted and malicious that is? I know it happened to us and I spoke with several other families who shared similar tales. I have emails to prove it! These weren't threats quickly uttered in a closed door meeting; Lisa often put them in print!

There are many more people who have deep grievances with Lisa that chose to just drop it and not come forward. Maybe they weren't defrauded. But there were lied to. Manipulated. Threatened. Abused. These were not necessarily acts that Lisa could be tried for in a courtroom; but they were often far more reprehensible than simply stealing money. They were a grotesque variety of human behavior.

I guess that's all I have to say. I'm ready to put Lisa Novak and the whole sordid business behind me. But if you're still with me, Martin and Alexandra: think about it. Think about who you think Lisa is. I'm not suggesting she's the devil incarnate. But you need to wake up and realize that she is far from the angel you perceive her to be. You know what? Write me a letter. Send an email if you read this. Tell me you understand. Because all I heard today at the sentencing was glowing oratory about Lisa and anyone who dared accuse her got trashed. And what that told me was that, after everything Lisa has put you through, you still don't get it.

Sincerely,
Jonathan Hanst

Let the Idling Begin!

2009-02-02T20:22:00.000-08:00

I feel that I have to explain why I am doing this. "This" being: writing about my month long pursuit of greater stretches of sloth than I normally manage. Even among my friends and colleagues, my slacker lifestyle presents a paradox. I am often made fun of for taking naps, seeing movies, getting massages, riding my bike and otherwise not working in the middle of the day. However, these same people who give me shit almost always say something to the effect of "I want your life!" I think this series of blogs is my way of saying: You Can Do It! You SHOULD do it! If there is some aspect of another person's life that you envy, that is something to examine. I don't mean envy of a possession; that's too basic. I mean, if there is a quality to someone's life that you think you would like to emulate, but you don't know how, or you feel like you "can't" do it for one reason or another, I urge you to look closer at whatever rules are governing whether you "can" or "can't" do it.

In short, I'm saying, if the idle life seems attractive, you should join me.

Today-- Mondays in general-- aren't usually very mellow. Even if my work agenda isn't full, I have a regular list of things like catching up on email and doing my finances to do. I am often surprised how much time it takes to do what you would think would be simple things to run your own biz. Pay bills, manage my health insurance bullshit, track invoices, balance accounts in Quicken, etc. This has nothing to do with me actually making money; it's just attending to the details of my company/life. I dispensed with those items fairly quickly today (though not as rapidly as I would have liked) and then, anxious to begin my experiment, deliberately closed my email and moved to my armchair for some reading. I have been a single parent for the past 3 days while my woman was in Santa Fe, so I was frazzled. I read a few issues of Entertainment Weekly and then decided that what I really needed (ta da!) was a snooze.

My son woke me up 3 times last night and my daughter once. No emergencies, just wake ups and shout outs in the middle of the night. Always fun. My daughter inquired why her CD player wasn't working. It was 2 am. I got through all that and a morning full of temper tantrum land mines. Now, having taken care of my mild agenda, I felt I deserved a nap. The thing about naps for me is that no matter how delicious I find them, I cannot completely shake the shame or guilt of taking one. It doesn't cause serious self esteem issues, mind you, but because of the shit I take from friends, I feel a little like a slug. A worthless non-contributor. "How To Be Idle" addresses this-- the pervasive societal ethic that we have to "do" a lot with our days and our lives. That there is something more substantial and worthy in working than in relaxing. The book is instructing me that I need not feel guilty for spending time dozing or in aimless pursuits; in fact I should feel proud of it! I am rejecting the idea that one "has" to work 8, 10 or 12 hour days. I think that's rubbish (unless you really love your job). I want to spend my life doing things that I want to do! Those things include being a committed parent, which is quite hard work by itself; running a solid business; practicing mindfulness for my spirit and exercise for my body; AND... lying around when I can!

The nap felt good, by the way. I needed it. I was awakened at one point by a phone call, had the conversation, and went right back to dozing. The best part of napping is when you are disturbed by some noise, become faintly aware that you should think about getting up, and then, decide against it and catch more winks. In that moment of giving yourself the gift of more daytime sleep, life is truly wonderful. I slept til a little after 4, tied up some loose ends and headed home to make dinner for my kids and see my wife. There was a litany of domestic chores to conquer and now, I stand ready to meet Tuesday, which is a more open day for me. More idling. More free time. I have no agenda to speak of tomorrow, other than working out at some point.

I'd like to share more anecdotes and thoughts as the month goes on and I would love to hear from you, too. Please email or comment if you have something to say. Until then... go ahead: Be Idle!

The Idle Adventure!

2009-01-29T19:30:00.000-08:00

Well, today I fell off the wagon. I had made a bold promise to no one in particular that I was going to stop eating sweets for 60 days. I impose these kinds of rules all the time. No drinking for a month! I can only eat red meat one time a week! I will meditate every day for 20 minutes! I don't why I do it because I almost always wind up falling short of my goal. I have managed to give up tobacco completely (something I'll never go back to) but the other stuff-- the other addictions-- are tough to avoid entirely. So, today I flamed out in style, chomping down 7 "fun size" Kit Kat bars and then 4 bite sized brownies that were lingering in the kitchen area where I work. Damn! So good. I think one of the reasons I lost my will power was that after 32 days I weighed myself in the buff on the exact same scale I had used at the beginning of this challenge. Result? Net gain of one half pound. Seriously. No sweets for over a month and that's the outcome? I must have made up the calories somewhere else. I don't know why I'm becoming obsessed with weight loss after already losing 13 pounds. It's a double edged sword for me. I'm proud that I lost the weight, but now I focus on my flab more than ever. When I sit in a chair (like I am now) I can feel it around the top of my jeans. Yeah. I could lose another 10 if I really pushed myself. But for now, I'm onto another self-imposed 'challenge' of sorts.

The Idle Adventure! I am reading an excellent book called "How to Be Idle" by Tom Hodgkinson, which argues in irreverent but convincing style that we all work too damn much and all that toil really does is serve the upper classes who own businesses and factories, while enslaving us to a financially dependent consumer lifestyle. I'm not doing the book nearly enough justice with that synopsis, but if your interest is piqued you should look it up next time you want a new book. ANYWAY, people who know me well will no doubt be questioning how my lifestyle could possibly get MORE idle, seeing as how I'm self employed and work an average of about 25 hours a week. I do spend a lot of time in daddy mode, which is definitely a form of work a good percentage of the time, but actual hours as a 'worker' are small. However, I had a flash of inspiration the other day that it might be interesting to take a whole month and do nothing more than I absolutely had to, work wise. No pushing myself to drum up business or network. No re-cutting of voice demos or polishing my bloody Linked In page. Just work when I was hired to work and otherwise read books, take walks, tinker with DETOUR, exercise, lounge, and BLOG ABOUT THE WHOLE THING.

Yes, I feel the cynical waves hitting me now. "Why the hell would we want to read about you loafing around for the month? What? Are you gonna keep a journal of your nap times? How captivating!" Well, maybe it will be a crashing bore, I grant you. But for one thing, I'm always wanting to do this more often (blog), because I like it, so this will give me consistent grist for the mill. And two, I hope against hope that in some way I might inspire someone, somewhere to rethink their conventional 40-50 hour a week lifestyle, which I think is a terrible tragedy (unless of course one truly loves their job, but I think that's a rarity).

This is a time, it has been oft stated recently, of historic change. I am extremely excited and inspired by what Obama is doing so far. But as he has said many times, it's not about him, it's about us. And I would go further to say that it's just about policy and politics, but a chance to put everything under the microscope. Why do people continue to work in jobs for years that they don't like? So they can buy more stuff? So they can get the big house they don't really need? One of the most depressing things I hear when I'm out and about is people groaning that it's Monday or rejoicing that it's Friday. If you're so bummed about your job that you can't stand Mondays, you need to make a radical career change NOW. You are pissing away the better part of 5 days of every week! WAKE UP! Maybe you can work less, earn less, consume less and live MORE.

Anyway, The Idle Adventure begins Sunday February 1st. My wife will be out of town, so I'll be on daddy duty for the first 2 days, but I'm planning more posts in February that I've ever done in one month. Stay tuned! And of course, it could all go to pot if I wind up being hired to do a big production job or dozens of voice gigs. We shall see.

Musical notes: A new DETOUR is being cut together and played with. I expect it to be ready for March release. I am looking for suggestions of what to pick up for music. The well isn't exactly running dry, but I'd like some 'new blood.' Send me your thoughts if you have any. I strongly urge you to pick up the best album I've heard in years, Stephanie McKay's "Tell It Like It Is."

DETOUR for January 09

2008-12-17T13:32:00.000-08:00

A word before we get to this episode's playlist. Some of you that followed my adoption drama may know that the executive director of our original agency was arrested for felony fraud. Well, last week she was CONVICTED of 4 counts and will likely serve jail time. Eat it, Lisa Novak! You're a fucking convict now! (sorry, I just had to vent...)

DETOUR January 2009

dex dubious / sweet thing (dex dubious.com)
gaijin a go go / tempura mental [ursula 1000 remix] (ursadelica)
dirty vegas / alive (dirty vegas)
kid koala / slew test 2 (you don't know ninja cuts)
chris joss / i want freedom (teraphonic overdubs)
herbaliser feat. what what / the blend (blow your headphones)
shirley bassey / where do i begin (the remix album)
southern culture on the skids / house of bamboo (plastic seat sweat)
the new mastersounds / 102% (102%)
james brown / problems (make it funky: the big payback 1971-1975)
jazz juice / too horny (freestyle singles collection vol 9)
nickodemus & osirus / free souls part 3 (turntables on the hudson vol 6)
gabin / the other way round (mr. freedom)
eternal golden void / the five pearls [miyagi mix] (docking sequence)
massive attack / blue lines (blue lines)
dr didg / later (serotonality)
ronnie hudson & the street people / west coast poplock (gangster boogie)
run dmc vs bangles feat eddie murphy / run like an egyptian (online somewhere...)
skeewiff / coming home baby (cruise control)

This episode is dedicated to my family: Kirsten, Zuzu and Oliver. We made it and now we're together for good!

Where do I begin...?

2008-11-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

oh yeah... HOLY SHIT! BARACK OBAMA GOT ELECTED PRESIDENT!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I can't believe it. Can you? Can the nightmare finally be over for this country? Can we end the war now, bring our troops back to their families? Can we stop the torturing, the wiretapping, the shredding of due process, the endless (and bloody) occupation of Iraq? Can we stop the secret meetings to shape energy policy with the oil companies? Can we maybe, I don't know, call me crazy here, start doing something drastic about the environmental crisis we're facing? Can we stop spending money that we don't have while at the same time cutting taxes for everyone, but most especially the richest people that don't really need a tax cut in the first place?

The Obama victory is real. It happened. I know that one man can't do everything and change it all in the blink of an eye, but I have hope. I have faith. We're going to start seeing the glimmer of sun on the horizon. Soon. Soon. Soon...

I just got a stark reminder of why I don't get the paper anymore. I have been a bit of a net news junkie during this election and even though it's over, I couldn't help but pore over a few dozen articles today in the warm afterglow. HOWEVER... One thing I clicked on was from a right winger who writes for the local paper, decrying how Obama's tax plan is going to be a bunch of Robin Hood handouts and goodies for the no-good POOR (how they disgust me!) at the expense of the benevolent RICH who are kind enough to let everything trickle down. One thing I was never crazy about as far as left wing politics was class warfare. I don't think that by and large, the rich are much different than the rest of us. They shouldn't be demonized just because they have lots of money. But the reverse contention by the majority of righties that the poor are mainly populated by lazy swindlers who only want a free ride at the expense of the rest of us is so offensive to me.

Anyway, this column detailed how Obama's tax plan was going to really sock it to the rich and that his claim that 95% of Americans will get a tax cut was bogus and (here's where it got dramatic) would eventually lead to the demise of our country. (I wish we could just knock it off with the hyperbole, already. On both sides of the aisle.) So the column was bad enough. My blood pressure was already rising, because even though this guy is a good writer and states his arguments well, you never know where he (or any other partisan hack, for that matter) is getting his numbers. There ain't no footnotes, know what I'm saying? So I'm getting hot under the collar about this and then I scroll down to read the "comments" section underneath. This is where I really get into trouble. There is always something to infuriate me in the "comments" section under news articles. Always. First and foremost, I can't believe that so many people have the time to not only comment on articles, but they seem to spend LOTS of time researching their comments and various talking points. Where do they find the time? I'm not denegrating them, honestly. I mean here I am writing my self indulgent blog, but I'd really like to know how they harvest that much time of their day?! They should write a self help book about time management! I barely have enough time to write this blog every month between running my biz, being a husband and father and sneaking in a little TV every now and again.

Point is: I don't miss getting the newspaper. Because the newspaper version of the comments section is the letters to the editor. My wife would always hear my grousing at our kitchen table as I read the letters. I'm better off not encountering that type of energy and those type of people. Maybe it's putting my head in the sand. But here's what I'm into right now: HOPE. PROMISE. The possibility of raising some consciousness. Raising some people up. Let's solve some problems and shun the people who would rather tear down than build up. They can figure it out on their own time. I've already figured it out. It's time to move forward.

The conclusion of the election and Obama's victory bring to a close nearly a year of crazy ass shit for me and my family. It was almost a year ago when we learned that our adoption agency was closing which threw the future of our adoption into doubt. Then we learned that charges would be filed against the head of that agency, Lisa Novak (trial is scheduled for December '08). Then, we had to scratch, claw and suffer through the rest of the process because the government of Guatemala is so damned Central American, if you get me. Everything was up in the air from mid December 07 through the day we finally learned that Oliver was going to be coming home on July 24, 2008.

Then we brought him home, got through the initial turbulence of bringing another child into the house. What do we feed him? What's his sleep schedule like? All the while with the weight of the election hanging over us. Oh. Plus, my wife had to move her business (a retail store) across the street, which placed MAJOR stress on her.

W H E W. Take a second. Just breathe. It's. All. Over. I can't believe it. 2008 will go down as one of the most fucked up, crazy, beautiful, horrible and wonderful years I ever live. There's little doubt in my mind.

So now I gotta reshape my focus. I gotta get back into creative drive. I feel a little rudderless with DETOUR, though I have a show almost half done right now. I wanna kick into this other podcast idea I have that's short anecdotes from my life. Sort of "This American Life"-esque. I'm not sure if it will suck, but I need to try because it's been swimming around in my head for too long now. The good news is: I can do this. I don't have any more yokes around my neck. We brought Oliver home. My wife moved her shop. My biz is good, despite the economy (for now, at least). And Obama got elected. Praise the Lord, baby!

There's my update. Look for a new DETOUR as soon as I can get my act together. Be well.

Long time coming

2008-10-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I always think I'll do these things more often, but I finally have a pocket of time to jot a few things down. Actually, more than just a few: there's a lot going on. But the BIGGEST and BEST thing to report is this:

OLIVER HENRY HANST IS HOME!! Has been for just under a month now. What a huge, huge, fricking relief. I can't tell you how much stress has been released after bringing this boy home, whom we waited for for 19 months. There certainly has been a lot of adjusting for everyone here and for Oliver, too, of course, but I have to say that we're all settling in quite nicely. He's sleeping through the night (that's huge) and Zuzu has been wonderful as well. It's just so overwhelmingly fantastic to have him home and be done with the whole adoption process. I sincerely hope and pray that I never have to go through something so emotionally wrenching again. It really, really sucked.

It's cool having a son! I can roughhouse with him and play "catch" with balls and just have fun. I can't say I didn't have fun with Zuzu, but there is definitely a difference. Kirsten and I both are trying to give Zuzu extra time and consideration during this transition. She has been a real handful at times, but has been extremely good with her brother. She greets him with a smile every day and is often willing to play games with him that are below her age level. I'm very proud of her.

I feel like I could write a lot more about other things going on at the moment like this presidential race (Go Obama!) and the economy (Yikes!) but I'll leave that for another post perhaps next week. I am cooking up another DETOUR that I hope to have out before the end of the month. I need to buy some new music to fuel the fire for DETOURs to come, so if you have any suggestions, lemme know.

DETOUR for August 2008

2008-07-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

ursula 1000 feat. kojak / arrastao (here comes tomorrow)
up bustle & out / aqui no ma (zen: a retrospective)
mr. electric triangle / laters (kosmosis of the heart)
charles wright / you gotta know whatcha doin' (what it is! disc 3)
prince fatty / milk & honey (survival of the fattest)
thunderball / thunder in the jungle (cinescope)
mr. scruff / sweetsmoke (trouser jazz)
chris joss / magic tubes (teraphonic overdubs)
nina simone / obeah woman [dj logic mix] (remixed and reimagined)
free association / don't believe a word (come get it i got it)
eddie harris / it's all right now (that is why you're overweight)
flevans / me and mr. moody (make new friends)
opm / heaven is a halfpipe (menace to sobriety)
diesler / lovestruck killers (diggin it something rotten)
antiblas afrobeat orchestra / che che cole makossa (turntables on the hudson v 4)
soul quality quartet / toda tersafeira (brazilified)
black grass / toys (black grass)

Waiting and waiting and waiting...

2008-07-15T08:43:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been since April that I posted. I always mean to do this more often, but we all know how that goes sometimes.

I'm in a thick murky emotional soup today. My wife and I both have some higher hopes that our son's file will be approved and released from PGN this week, but just having higher hopes makes me feel a little depressed because we've been let down so many times before. This process is very hard. Hardest thing I've ever done. And all I can do is try to have the courage to be with the sadness and anger that comes up as part of it. It's a measure of how significantly this has affected me to say that I'm already blue about this week and it's only 9:45am on a Tuesday. If we hear something, I suspect it will be today, tomorrow or Thursday. I don't think much happens inside PGN on Mondays or Fridays.

It's hard not to hate someone in the position we're in. We really want to blame someone and lash out and scream at the top of our lungs. The last time we were kicked out of PGN I felt like a mule had kicked me in the chest. I was laid out HARD emotionally. When I finally got in my car to go to work, I screamed "FUCK YOUUUU!!!!" so hard that I harshed out my voice for the rest of the day. That's the last time I do that. But I was so incredibly angry. I'm really sick of what this is doing to me and my wife. We're like survivors of a ship wreck, clinging to some planks from the boat, floating out in the middle of the sea and praying that someone sees our signal flares. It's the worst.

I went down to Guatemala to visit Oliver at the end of June and had him stay with me for 3 days straight. It felt good to be his dad full time, even if I was a little lonely and homesick. He cried every time he woke up from a nap or overnight. I tried not to take this too hard, but honestly, the sound of his crying was tough. It felt like he was really going through the ringer emotionally, too. But sometimes, all it took to make him feel better was a little food or just a change of scenery. I tried to give him as much love as I could. And of course I was praying the whole time that I would see him again soon to bring him home to Colorado.

It was on my last night there that the man who is facilitating Oliver's case told me that he expected we would be out of PGN in mid July. That was hard to hear because I don't feel like I can trust anything about this journey. I don't know if he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. The family that is facilitating this for us is wonderful and Kirsten and I both know they want Oliver coming home as much as we do. But still, it was hard to hear such a specific prediction. I felt then, and still do feel like: you better not say that and not come through. Please keep good energy and prayers coming to us. We need it.

Otherwise, things have been pretty steady and good for us over the last several weeks. I keep feeling like I should be doing more to engage myself creatively, but I can't seem to get started on anything. I'm glad I'm still doing DETOUR (another episode will come out later this month), but I feel like it's time for me to just start doing "Long Story Short," my other podcast idea, with tales from the Jonathan archives. I saw this documentary on John Waters last night and his DIY spirit is infecting me. He just DID IT, even when he didn't know what the hell he was doing. He just went out and shot films, edited them himself, organized everything. He ACTED. I do accept myself as someone that dithers a while before acting, but sometimes that aspect of my personality gets on my nerves.

I guess I'm struggling with 'legacy' to some degree. I want to feel like I've accomplished something significant before I die. Creative pursuits seem to be the most likely avenue for me. Now, if only I can pull the trigger and start doing something. At the same time, given everything that's going on, I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself.

I'll definitely try to post if something happens this week. Fingers are crossed and hopes are raised. This torture of limbo has got to end soon.

a quiet snowy evening

2008-04-16T19:34:00.001-07:00

Had the urge to blog tonight so here I am to barrage you with a bunch of random thoughts.

Number one: I love Diablo Cody. I think I'll write her a gooey fanboy letter after I'm done with this. I'm not stalking her; she's not my secret girlfriend like Liz Phair (mmmmm.... Liz Phair), I just think Diablo Cody kicks ass and is really cool. Funny thing is, I wasn't even that big a fan of Juno. I thought it was pretty good, and Ellen Page was great, but it wasn't AWESOME, know what i'm saying? (i have just officially given up capitalizing "i" in these blogs. for some reason, using the shift key really starts to bug me when i'm trying to spill words out of my fingers as fast as possible)...

ANYWAY. Diablo Cody. What I like about her is that she DID it. She went from being a stripper to being a fucking screenwriter. I mean, I envy that so much. Not that I want a backstory as a private male dancer, mind you, but the fact that she took her life and TRANSFORMED it into the dream that i've had for so long: writing movies. Also, her column for Entertainment Weekly is really good and funny and I LOVE YOU, Diablo.

My soon to be composed fanboy letter to her will be another in a line of communiques that I've sent over the years to various females. The one in which I asked Jewel to have sushi with me in Boulder was a classic (no, I'm not lying, I really did that). I saw her perform at the Fox Theater here and thought, in my naive mind, that I should write her a letter and maybe, just maybe, she'd get it and fall madly in love with me over some yellow tail and edamame.

In college, I also composed a lengthy letter, for reasons that escaped me 10 minutes after I dropped it in the mailbox, to this girl I had an enormous crush on in high school. She was way out of my league, but that didn't stop me from thinking that, y'know, because I was in COLLEGE now, and all mature 'n stuff, that she might take a fancy to me and see something that somehow she missed those 4 years in high school. Of course, I never heard back, but did run into her many times at post-high school get togethers back in the 'hood, always squirming with the knowledge that I'd sent that stupid letter professing my love. Seriously, though: she was hot. Probably still is. And without a doubt, still out of my league.

Shouldn't that be a conversation that fathers have with sons right after the sex talk? "Son, we've covered the bases with the condoms and the AIDS, now let's talk about who you can't have sex with: hot chicks. You're just not tall enough, son. Most hot chicks want a tall, jock type guy, and let's face it, your 5' 6" and write for the school newspaper. Take it from your old dad: ain't gonna happen."

But my letter to dear Diablo won't be anything creepy or lusty: I just wanna tell her how much she kicks ass.

OTHER THINGS! Hey guess what? A while back I actually came into my blog and deleted a phrase that went something like this: "Our adoption agency, Claar Foundation in Boulder, sucks the biggest donkey dick you can imagine." (from 10/28/07, below) This was because the head of the agency had run across this little gem online and wasn't very happy about it, despite the fact that, while not literally sucking the penis of any beast of burden, the agency was the worst possible place you'd want to be involved with if you wanted to adopt a child. WELL. That person, Lisa Novak, has been arrested on felony fraud charges and is slated to appear in Boulder court next week. So, Lisa: if you happen to be reading this anytime soon: you're back in my blog and suckin' a donkey dick again. FUCK YOU and your fucking mousy little husband. There is so much I could write about this whole ordeal, but i'll leave it at that, just as an update.

I need to do a new DETOUR. I've started the May episode with a great piece from Ken Nordine, classic voice over guy and creator of Word Jazz. I'm trying to fashion this episode as something I may submit to solid steel and/or a cool site I found through WordPress called b00mbox (that's zeros for o's). b00mbox is labeled as "lovingly crafted mixtapes" and it's really cool. the quality ranges, of course, like anything on the web, but I was turned onto a really good reggae mix called "Dread the Thought," the contents of which will likely filter into future DETOURS now and then. Check out that mix here.

Is that enough? I think that's enough. More I could say, but I really must be off to write to Ms. Cody now.

The VS culture

2008-03-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine with whom I often find myself in long, political debates. It's not that he and I are on different ends of the spectrum; he's about as liberal as I am. The contrast comes through our outlooks. He plays the staunch pessimist and I, the naive optimist. This friend of mine is a great conversationalist; he is very articulate and informed, but what is hard to digest when talking politics with him is how much of a downer he is. He has a very dark view of the path we're on as Americans and to be fair, I can't say I blame him. I often hope that these are some of the darkest days that I have to live through.

But I can't help myself from hoping. Despite being knocked down time and time again by the adoption process my wife and I are going through, I keep coming back to hope, like some sort of home base. I can't give it up. And my hope carries through to our world at large. Something that I cannot articulate tells me that change is in the wind; that there is a great public thirst for a break from this division that we've been living with for the past 7 years. Of course, this is partially about Bush. But for me, it's become greater than that, too. My mind seems to be opening up to all sorts of evidence that a worldwide enlightenment is not far away. I'm not talking about a rapture with horned beasts and hellfire and the book of Revelation. I'm talking about a subtle, but extremely powerful raising of human consciousness.

How this will happen isn't really important for me to figure out. I'm just sensing it. And I'm finding myself more and more tuned into the present moment over the last several weeks. I have discovered that big changes, whether they be positive or negative, rarely play out in ways that I expect. I could not have EVER conceived of 9/11 before it happened, but that terrible day set in motion many of the events that have led us to where we are today. Likewise, there is no way for me to predict in what way this positive global change that I'm talking about will occur. That's not for me to figure out. What I'm focusing on is how I can be, in whatever small and personal way, a part of that shift.

My friend admits to being a political junkie and to voluntarily keeping up with all sorts of mass media to be informed. I am finding, increasingly, that I do not miss, nor do I ever want to plug back into the mass media. I'm not saying I curl up and read Mother Jones all day; my eyes flicker across my Google headlines and I sometimes delve into The Week or Newsweek at home to have some connection to world events. But the American soap opera of political polarization has grown so old for me. My great hope is that this view is shared by millions and millions of my fellow citizens. This is why Barack Obama is my guy. I don't agree with everything he says and does. I think his support for the upcoming "stimulus package" is misguided, for instance. But his unfailing commitment to not engage in trash politics keeps me rooting for him more and more.

We have got to realize that just because someone has a substantially different opinion than us, doesn't mean they're a retarded asshole. I use those words specifically because of how crude and venomous they are. They are the type of words that are implied by political hate mongers on both ends of the continuum. Fucking Liberal! Fascist Conservative! When can we start having an intelligent and civilized debate about issues that is laced with respect instead of scorn? When will people realize that whether it's Fox News or Air America, the constant rhetoric of division is poisoning this country? I'm not suggesting campfires and Woody Gutherie sing-alongs, I'm just saying we need to come back to a place of respecting each person as a human being. As someone deserving of love. This is the peace that I am trying to move my heart towards. I don't even feel comfortable saying I hate Bush anymore. I want to move beyond hate. To transcend it.

In the day or two after September the 11th, I remember talking to a co-worker about everything that was going on. Being at a loss for words (as all of us were that week) he simply said: "We need to love each other more. We need more love in this world." It still sticks with me. And if it resonates with you, I say this: start with yourself. Turn off the 24 hour news cycle. Tune out the swift boating and the attack ads. Will they still exist? Yes. But the more of us that turn away from these things, the fewer people will be infected and affected by them. Focus, even just for a moment each day, on putting more love in this world. Stop and breathe and say it to yourself. More love in this world.

Maybe, through all of us, the change will come.

14 days without sugar!

2008-01-14T19:10:00.000-08:00

Greetings and welcome to a new year. I can't remember if I've posted here in 2008, but I don't think so, so once again: howyadoin? After some friends brought over a large sheet of brownies last night and I wolfed down 3 of the suckers (was tempted to have more, trust me), I've decided to take 2 weeks off from sugar. I mean specifically what I call "casual sweets." Casual Sweets are the M&Ms in the freezer where I work. They're the cookies that my wife occasionally buys, hardly eats, and leaves lying around the house. They're candy bars that beckon from vending machines. Casual Sweets are the sugary things that I have a hard time resisting and probably keep me from trimming another 4-5 pounds off of my belly.

I tend to binge on sweets. I console myself by saying that I'm not "that bad" because I don't suck up a whole carton of ice cream in one sitting. But I have gotten a bag of chocolate chip cookies at the grocery store and then pulled into an empty parking lot to eat 5 or 6. Sure, that may not make me an After School Special candidate, but I'm sure there's a lot of people who don't have this kind of problem, too.

In May of '07, I gave up my Coke habit, which had nothing to do with cocaine, and everything to do with a 12 ounce daily dose of sugary nectar. Coca Cola was a huge.. I should say HUGE part of my life. In the wake of that decision though, I found that I didn't really miss or need Coke as much as I thought I did. It was a major surprise and has forced me to look at other consumption tendencies. I am a pretty healthy eater. I enjoy fruits and veggies, I don't eat a ton of red meat and my indulgences in fast food are irregular, if not exactly rare. I eat kale for God's sake. Anybody who eats kale is in pretty good shape diet-wise, I think. But I am definitely prone to sneaking into the kitchen at work, prying open the 2 bite brownie container and snatching a few of those bad boys on the sly. Damn you, 2 bite brownies!

I think now that the holidays are completely over, I don't have any more excuses. It's easy to slip into "whatever" mode during December, when the new year and the promise of resolutions are just around the corner. I didn't even go crazy this year, but I've been in a perpetual state of indiscipline when it comes to sweets lately. I know I can stop for 2 weeks. Then, after that, I just want to be more choosy about how often I have Casual Sweets. I'd love to get my weight down to 145 or so. There's definitely some flab that could go. We shall see! In the meantime, keep your cookies to yerself....

Other notes:

I feel like I kinda bitched out after my big IMPEACHMENT post. I recorded something about it in the outro for DETOUR and it didn't feel right, so I junked it. I suppose it felt too preachy. I haven't changed my mind regarding Bush/Cheney. I can't f**king stand them, but I guess at this stage in the game, with only one year left (thank God), we need to just muddle through and hope the guy doesn't bomb Iran in the meantime.

Random endorsement: I'm for Barack Obama, in case you were wondering. I like John Edwards, but I don't think the guy has a chance this time around. I also wish he didn't live in a 25,000 square foot home. That's just bullshit. Hillary Clinton will get my vote if she gets the nomination, but I'm not crazy about having another divisive person in the White House. I'd love to see some UNITY in this country. To the degree that it's possible. Oh, and fuck Rudy Giuliani. That guy's the devil.

Musical notes. I'm getting into a lot of funk stuff via the Superbad soundtrack, which is great, by the way. I just ordered a box set of funk rarities that I hope fuel the DETOUR fire over the next several months. I also picked up a 70s era James Brown compilation that is pretty good, so far. I've only heard a few tracks. I'm trying to get DETOUR listeners to send me stuff to consider for the show, but so far, no takers on that. If you're interested, shoot me an email, feedback@radiodetour.com

I think that's enough rambling for tonight. My wife and I head to Guatemala next Wednesday to see our boy again. Wish us luck in the adoption process; we continue to need it.

I'm ready to say it.... IMPEACH

2007-12-19T20:27:00.000-08:00

that word is thrown around so often these days on the web, etc, but i just watched a video of Naomi Wolf that crystalized it for me. she is the author of a book that lays out 10 steps that countries go through en route to becoming dictatorships. you can look her up on youtube, but in the meantime, here's what i realized. if i'm not going to stand up and do SOMETHING at this point, when will i? when stormtroopers are kicking in the doors of my neighbor's house? when web access is restricted or shut down entirely? when war protesters are rounded up and never heard from again? there are hundreds, if not thousands of people who have been imprisoned for years now without due process. we have tortured people that we've captured. the government is tapping phone lines, often illegally. and we're outsourcing a lot of our military needs to corporations who are not held accountable for the actions of their employees.

i haven't even gotten to the millions (maybe billions?) of dollars that have vanished over in iraq. and what about the war in the first place? the list could go on for a long time. THIS SHIT IS WRONG. AND IT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. IN OUR TIME. IN THIS PRESENT DAY. i was talking to a friend the other day about ghandi and the power of people in general, en masse. if 3 or 4 million people were to descend on washington dc, it would paralyze the system. if we were all to stand up, either physically or through email, phone calls, protests and marches, what could this administration do? i actually shutter to think because there's so much that's been done already. so many lines crossed.

i am putting this out there because i have to. i have to do something and i have to say something. DETOUR has traditionally been a place to advocate for the environment, but this month i'm going to talk about impeachment and mention this blog. if you're reading this, here's what you can do. do a little research. watch some of naomi wolf's stuff on youtube. do a little thinking: does what's happening in our country seem right to you? and finally: TAKE ACTION. write or call your senators and representatives. email and call your friends and start the conversation. if you disagree with me, feel free to blow it off and do nothing, because that's exactly what they want us to do.

that's all for now. on a (much) lighter note, i'm finalizing a new show for january this week and will post soon! please email me your thoughts on the above, good or bad. i hope that in a small way, i can be a part of the changes that need to happen in this world. this world needs peace. let it begin.

11-30-07

2007-11-30T11:35:00.000-08:00

it has been a momentous week. i did my stand up on tuesday night (11/27) and it went over... pretty well. i give myself a 6 on a scale of 10. but what i was really psyched about was that i didn't freak out before going on stage. was i nervous? yeah, a little. but overall i felt pretty calm, actually. i was able to stay with myself and the present moment while on stage. the last time i did this, i felt like i was standing behind myself watching my body do the routine. it was too surreal. this time, i really felt like I WAS THERE. I WAS DOING IT. and when the laughs didn't come for some jokes, i sort of felt like, "who fucking cares?" i just kept plowing on. friends who were there (thanks to all of you) were very supportive and all said i did a "great" job. that felt good, but i know in my heart it wasn't off the chart. it was just okay. and you know what? that's just fine with me. i can not expect to be awesome at something i've only done twice. and i WILL do it again. i hope to get a recording of it and post audio at least, but that's turned out to be a whole other story...

in the wake of the performance, i feel more and more energized creatively. i plan on blogging a bit more often and i might even start a regular online column where i can write in a bit more deliberate, polished style. we shall see. i am mulling using my night out most weeks to come back here to the office and write. i know that screenwriting still lies in my future.

since we're in the "holidaze" officially, i thought i'd put a plug in for one of my favorite place to give gifts: www.worldvision.org. world vision is a great organization that tries to bring relief, clean water, food and medicine to children around the world. yes, it's like the old sally struthers commercials we used to see in the old days. and yes, they are a christian charity that wears their love of jesus on their sleeve. but i have never once, in any dealing with them, felt as though they were sanctimonious or holier than thou. their mission is to care for those in need. period. it's not about handing out bibles or evangelizing.

in any case, they do great gifts for christmas (or whatever holiday) so you can really feel like you've done something significant. you can contribute money toward a well in a village without clean water. you can buy livestock for a family in need. find other examples on their website and break out of the consumer cycle! nobody needs another watch or necktie or pepper grinder or scarf. what this world needs is people that aren't going hungry! check world vision out and buy less shit this holiday. see how it makes you feel!

i get all riled up because the excess at christmas drives me crazy. actually, what it does is depress me. we are drowning in so much STUFF in this country. so much bullshit. i always tell me daughter that all she needs to give me is lots of hugs or draw me a picture or sing a song for me. i know this might sound really corny, but it's true! and, no, i am by no means innocent of consumer indulgence. i just bought a playstation, for god's sake. but with christmas, i hate the compulsion we all seem to feel that we HAVE to get someTHING for people. ug. it makes me squirm just writing about it.

i guess that will have to do for a holiday message. LOL! more DETOUR coming in the new year. and i do sincerely hope that you have a great december doing whatever it is you do at this time of year. let's all hope for a lot more peace in 2008.

11-16-07

2007-11-30T11:34:00.000-08:00

well, much to my surprise i've gotten a handful of emails in the last week commenting that people read this stuff! now i'm going to have to take it more seriously. ... not. i do like writing here occasionally, but as you can see, i am not motivated enough to use the shift key very often.

my wife and i are still going through the meat grinder with the adoption process. i did hang out today with a family who brought home two boys from guatemala and that was pretty cool. i don't think i'd ever spent much time around adopted toddlers before. though this family has had some problems with their older boy in particular, that can only be expected based on his age (6) and the amount of time he spent in an orphanage. our guy, oliver, has been with a great foster mother since the beginning almost and she loves him dearly.

just 11 days away from my stand up routine at comedy works! i've got my 'routine' down cold, but now i'm going through this paranoia that nothing i say is going to be funny. i sorta remember that from the last time i did this. you get the bits so ingrained in your brain that even though you hit the punchlines, etc when practicing, you have lost the connection to whether they're funny or not. we'll see. i am committing myself to doing it about 5 more times with different material every time being the goal. that would give me about 1/2 hour worth of stuff to take or leave. not sure what's going to happen after that.

i HAVE decided that another one of my goals for next year will be taking a screenwriting class. i've wanted to write screenplays forever, and save for one bad zombie script that i wrote back in 2000, nothing has come of it other than story fragments and partial ideas. i have always been freaked out by taking a class because i felt like everyone would be better than me or i'd get embarrassed. but, i'm going to "push into my edge" (face my fears) and get over it, because this has been too big a dream for too long. it's time to do it!

thanks for everyone who's read el-blogo, listened to DETOUR and sent me email. it's great to know that the DETOUR nation is growing. i was just on my space a minute ago and it struck me again how painfully clunky that website is. i can't go there anymore because it's just a black hole for my time.

a few DETOUR notes: the website now has all the shows archived, so if you missed one, just click (are you ready for this?) "archive." also, after the homepage had the word "traveled" spelled with an extra "l" since april, it has been corrected. my dad would be ashamed. oy.

have a great thanksgiving everyone!

10-29-07

2007-11-30T11:33:00.000-08:00

the day after. Remember that nuclear armageddon movie o' the week in the mid 80s? about "the day after" a nuke attack? Things are only slightly less dreary here in colorado after the rockies' collapse in the world series. Ug. It was hard. it was painful. It was, at times, downright enraging. And all over something that I know has about as much cosmic significance as an ant fart. I wish I could have simply shrugged off the poor batting, the hideous pitching and the overall punchless effort the Rockies turned in. after all, this was a team that took me to delirious heights of joy in the previous weeks, winning 21 of 22 games. Anyone in colorado that didn't get somewhat caught up in the Rockies stampede to the series was either a die hard red sox fan or just plain dead. It was quite a ride; I only wish that it had ended with one (just one, please!) victory in the world series, so we didn't look like a national league fluke. I hope the Rockies can build on what they started this year and give me something to be enthused about come spring of 2008.

Onto other things! Our adoption from guatemala still drags on. Our boy (born 2/4/07) is still with his foster mother, Olga, in Antigua. Our agency still maddens and mystifies us with very little communication. And our hearts are still aching to bring this kid home and start being the parents to him that we want to be. A lot of people ask us weekly how things are going, and that can be hard, too. The repetition of the same answer gets old quickly; I feel like a politician on the campaign trail, giving the stump speech. I just want to get our little guy home and be done with it. I am psyched to be a father again, that's for sure. I feel much more prepared and grounded this time around and look forward to proving it to myself. Wish me luck.

Reading an excellent book right now called "the way of the superior man", which may sound like a snooty self help book, but is, in fact, one of the most penetrating spiritual books I've read. It's helping me re-evaluate my role as a man in life, and in my family--in a good way. I recommend it to any person who wants to learn about things that make most men tick. One of the themes of the book is that a man needs to pursue his "mission" (whatever that means for each particular man) first and foremost, above all else. That doesn't mean that family duties are shirked or even impacted at all. but it's made me face something that I've felt in my gut for a long time: there's MORE to life than just family or just your kid or spouse. That's not everything! Yes, of course. They're huge. They help you grow. You love them with all your heart and they fill your heart, too. But they're not everything. And I need to foster those things that propel me outside of my family life. Which brings me to...

Stand up. No, I'm not propelling myself to stand up, exactly. I mean stand up comedy. I'm doing it again. Next month. I say again because I did it almost 5 years ago at Comedy Works (in Denver, CO) on "new talent night." well, in november, I will take to the stage again and do 5 minutes. I've met someone professionally who manages the new talent night at Comedy Works and he's going to get me on the list soon. This is part of my mission: performing in front of people, expressing myself, and seeing where it takes me. DETOUR has also been a part of that, because I've been looking for avenues for creative expression ever since I left my old radio job. So here I go! I may actually open a new part of the DETOUR website to post comedy mp3s of my performances so stay tuned.

A new DETOUR will be posted within the week, I hope. I've been working on a new show that's shaping up pretty well. So until next time...

9-24-07

2007-11-30T11:32:00.002-08:00

After a month off, I finished another DETOUR this afternoon and will be emailing everyone about it tomorrow. I think the new one came out pretty well, so lemme know what you think. Right now, as we approach October, I am already in the throes of baseball fever. I know that baseball is the ugly stepchild of sports these days. Most people my age are aware of baseball only as something that happens for the boring months in between football seasons. The ballyard is a good place to get drunk on expensive beer and pretend to care about our national pastime. For me, though, I've always been a baseball guy. The sport just speaks to me. Though I've enjoyed a lot of football games, I rarely watch it alone. Baseball, however, presents a more than adequate agenda for a night by myself.

I've become more and more of a baseball geek in the last five years. It accelerated when a friend of mine gave me a score book from the Colorado Rockies' first season at Coors Field. Now I score just about every game I attend in person, and a few in the post-season that I watch on TV. I realize this puts me in an elite loge section of goobers who know that HBP is short for "hit by pitch" and that the left fielder's number is "7" for scoring purposes. The score book and baseball's obsession with statistics feeds into my Virgo/anal retentive mind. Everything can be quantified. Everything is cataloged. Everything can be organized very specifically and placed in tiny boxes. This truly is right brain nirvana.

The heroes and villains of baseball also captivate me. I admit that I love to hate the Yankees. I recently learned that a good friend of mine (and DETOUR listener) was a Yankees fan. He did a good job of hiding it for a while by rooting quietly, knowing that, these days, being a Yankee fan is like admitting you voted for Bush-- both times. When the Yankees were stumbling so badly earlier this year, I was delighted. But as their playoff berth was all but assured after an amazing 2nd half, I realized that the playoffs wouldn't be as exciting without them. For no matter what team they might be pitted against, I'll be glued to every game, hoping and praying to see Yankee Pride take another beating. Nothing satisfies me more than David whooping ass on Goliath. Who can't appreciate seeing a rich loud mouth like George Steinbrenner denied baseball glory year after year. Yes, I know the Yankees have more championships than any other sports franchise. But that makes it even more sweet when they are sent packing without one.

So this is my time of year. The only time that I tell my wife she has to tolerate a sports obsession. So if I miss November's DETOUR, you'll know why. I'm holed up in front of my TV, scorebook in hand, watching something other than football...

7-25-07

2007-11-30T11:32:00.001-08:00

3 months since my last blog entry and people won't stop hounding me about it! Yeah. Actually I don't know if a single soul has read this stuff, but I felt like making an entry tonight for no particular reason. I should have put up a new show today, since I normally do on the 25th, but July has been a nutty month and this week I'm taking my "summer break." Doing as little as possible, riding my bike, playing pinball and seeing movies in the middle of the day. Ain't life grand? Now, though, I'm behind on DETOUR and haven't even put a full 'draft' of the show together. What I have been doing is picking my songs, sequencing them and then giving the show a trial listen to see how everything fits together. I've only gotten halfway through this month, so you may hear a bit more of a rough mix this time around. Oh well. You'll forgive me, right? I haven't come across a lot of great stuff lately, though I must recommend the Solid Steel podcast again (you can get it thru iTunes). I heard one by a guy named Colin Millar that's just awesome. There's 25 minutes or so in the middle that I love. You can download a ton of this stuff at iTunes and this month, I'm featuring a piece by Steinski (see blog mention below) to start the show.

I also had a few firsts since the last show. A guy I know asked to add 5 office mates to the email list. That was cool, because my ultimate goal for DETOUR is that it be heard by a lot of people every month. By a lot, I mean 1000 or so. I don't know if I want it growing much bigger than that. I don't have any financial designs for the show, because I think that would strip it of that DIY spirit. I really just like doing it. Anyway, it was cool, in the 4th month, to see the list start growing with people I didn't know first hand. And one of those folks emailed me suggestions for music. THAT is also a step forward, because I want DETOUR to be sort of a collective thing. I find music, you suggest music, I put it together and we all enjoy it! Well, it's getting close to bedtime (10:30, I'm old alright?) so I'll sign off now. Look for the show in the next few days, if I can get my act together.

4-24-07

2007-11-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

DETOUR for May 2007 went up today and it's been since last month for a diary entry. Oh well, I'm sure there aren't a lot of people dying for another entry in El Blog-o. In fact, I rather doubt anyone's reading this at all, but what the hell? This is a crazy week for me, in fact, because my wife and I are going down to Guatemala this Thursday to see the boy we're adopting. His name is Oliver and this will be the first time we've seen him in person. Heavy, big stuff. Everyone keeps telling me how exciting it is, and of course it is exciting, in kind of a nervous/terrifying way! I think I'll feel better once I've gotten down there, seen him face to face and gotten to hold him for a while. Hope he doesn't scream like a banshee when his foster mother leaves. Cross your fingers for me.

Onto musical notes (pardon the pun). I've been buying lots of stuff to fuel the DETOUR fire, and despite of a lot of mediocre stuff, there's been several gems. One of the inspirations for this show was what I call the DJ mix or DJ sets that have been coming out for the last 10 years or so. This type of stuff would normally be heard in a club live and not recorded or released, but there are a lot of discs out there right now that are excellent introductions to the genre.

Here are my top five recommendations:

1. STEINSKI's "Nothing to Fear"-- A great combination of beats, hip hop, wisecracks and funk. Everything from Jay Z to Groucho Marx clips. Hard to find because the record company didn't bother to license the songs Steinski was using and had to pull the CD after it was released. Look for it on Amazon.

2. FATBOY SLIM's "On the Floor at the Boutique"-- This gets into material that's a little too clubby for my taste, but not before an initial 20 minutes that are worth the price alone. Good, Fatboy fun.

3. THIEVERY CORPORATIONS's "The Outernational Sound"-- It's a tossup between this TC disc and their excellent "DJ Kicks" release. This one is a little more uptempo and funky. Thievery Corp's label, Eighteenth Street Lounge, is a great place to sniff around if you like DETOUR.

4. RAE AND CHRISTIAN's "Another Late Night"-- This is a series of DJ mixes and I got this one on a buying spree for DETOUR. What a great purchase. Fun hip hop, dusty beats and gritty soul.

5. BONOBO's It Came from the Sea-- Bonobo is "presented" here by Solid Steel, which Steinski has also been involved with. Solid Steel is a DJ mix radio show on the BBC. I'm just now checking out more of their stuff but if Steinski and Bonobo are any indication, there's plenty of great stuff to hear. Check out Solid Steel's podcast at iTunes.

That's all for this month kids. Maybe more if I think of it later in the month.

3-30-07

2007-11-30T11:28:00.000-08:00

DA-DUM!!! I just sent out a big mass email to everyone about DETOUR. This has been a crazy week. I got the CDs printed up for a few folks, mailed them out, posted the show, finalized the website and am now starting the blog. I always feel self conscious about blogging. It feels like everyone else in the universe is doing it, so what the hell would I have to add to the mix? Oh, well, this is my project, so I guess I have the right to blabber on if I want to.

Anway, I hope you like the debut episode of DETOUR. I'll chip in some more thoughts about music, et al next week when things have calmed down a bit.

a big mass email to everyone about DETOUR. This has been a crazy week. I got the CDs printed up for a few folks, mailed them out, posted the show, finalized the website and am now starting the blog. I always feel self conscious about blogging. It feels like everyone else in the universe is doing it, so what the hell would I have to add to the mix? Oh, well, this is my project, so I guess I have the right to blabber on if I want to.

Anway, I hope you like the debut episode of DETOUR. I'll chip in some more thoughts about music, et al next week when things have calmed down a bit.